here i am again
okay so ive decided to be active on tumblrin again, i mean like, actually post something. ive always wanted to blog abt something, talk abt everything but i just dont know here to start. its really hard to type something when you dont even know who you really are, i mean we have to blog from the heart now right? i just dont wanna blog if i know im gonna have that striking pause for awhile, its just not fun. so yeah, before i start to blog about stuffs, i wanna tell that bout my situation right now. im listening to this korean song on hitz.tv which idk whats the title but ive heard this song before, quite catchy actually. lol. im alone in the living room, and its 3.22 pm now. im turning the volume low so that i can think straight. wow this is not even intro! okay okay! for me this half year of my life, i wouldnt say its boring or sad, its more to whats life really about. i mean, its really telling me that im out of high school, not meeting my friends anymore. (ill tell you abt that later on okay!) i mean, when i 1st got into my high school year, i was like thinking, like, okay now im in high school, then ill be having my pmr in form 3, then ill be having my honeymoon year in form 4, and my spm in form 5, and im gonna go to college, and living in a dorm and not seeing my friends. getting married. i mean, i really thought abt whats gonna happen in the future but at the same time, you just dont wanna think abt it, bcos that might not happen. i dont know. its really confusing sometimes. then i was thinking ahh thats gonna be much more longerr, i have my high school years ahead of me. AND BAM! here i am, NOW. my friends being in college, taking driving license, some of them already have a driving license. it really tells me that this is really happening! its here, right now. today. its so sad thou :( not being able to meet my friends that much. hmm.
so, enough bout that. lets talk bout the updates. sheryll is in college already (kk), so as zuryn and sharifah(sarawak). awh, u have no idea how much i miss them :(but fr the others, natasha is still working, lea is not doing anything thou haha. one of my friends has a baby and awh so cutee! im praying fr my girls everyday fr their lives ya know :’) i miss them and i wish them all the best in life. and me? im in form 6 now. yupp im a pre-u student in SM all saints, yes same old same old school, but im okay w it :) okay wow form 6 is okay so far, i made lots of new friends too! its sometimes hard but who says form 6 is easy? no one! its hard so i gotta put really good effort in it. praying so i can get thru this and be successful! insyaallah :) i will be looking forward to whats ahead, and just get through it :)
last year, hm. it was hectic for me. and. its just a year w awful times, feelings, moments. i just dont like talking bout it, but i have to let it go, i did actually. but somehow, its still there, the guilt, the pain. sometimes, im really hard on myself. hating myself fr it. ive hurt some people and a special person who is really dear to my heart, and i just cant say sorry enough. id do anything to turn back time and undo my mistakes.
but, there were some really sweet memories that made who i am today. a person changed me, and i changed that person as well :”) he, thought me, to think abt myself fr a sec, and just, get to know ME, fr a sec. he thought me, to stand up for myself. to be strong. and to be able to do anything without being scared. and its for my own good. he is a really great person, and no one can ever change that. hes caring, sweet and lovable and by far the strongest person i know other then my mum :) he accepts who i really am. hes just, everything i ever wanted in a guy. hes not perfect and so am i, but, do u have to? of course not :) just be you and things will be okay <3 i love you W.
ill be posting more :)
toodles!
